Several years ago (was it really 9?) I wrote a blog post here entitled the 'Christian Druid' in an attempt to find a way through the thoughts I was having about my spiritual life. I was trying to reconcile a few problems I has having with an evangelical Christian faith, connection with the natural world and creativity. I found a path that seemed more in tune with me personally and the post provoked a few interesting comments. In simple terms I found that I was very interested in aligning my ideas with the more philosophical and nature based ideas surrounding modern druidry, neo-paganism or whatever you want to call it.
A few days ago I received a comment on the blog wondering where I was with things now. A good question. Now how do I answer it? I answer it with caution in the sense that I don't always feel comfortable sharing with other people and what I write is in the public domain. I also don't want to delve too much into the workings of my mind which I have a sneeking suspicion may not always be working quite in the way I would like.
Rather than ramble on for hours, I could redirect you to the author and blogger Nimue Brown (https://druidlife.wordpress.com). Her frequent posts and thoughts on her path have been found to be very helpful to me. She covers anything from politics, nature awareness, mental health issues, sexuality, topical news stories and a host of other things from a druid/pagan perspective. I don't necessarily agree with everything she says, but her view on what her spirituality means to her from a day to day perspective I find very encouraging.
Over the past few years I have read quite a few books that I have found by searching through Amazon - either physical books or Kindle downloads. Finding authors who have something meaningful to say is easier here as there are usually plenty of reviews by which to judge what will be interesting. Nimue's book 'What happens when a pagan prays' was such a welcome find and provided an interesting insight into a surprising subject.
My path is evolving. I am not hugely interested in social media so finding connections with like minded people is not easy. They pop up occasionally and then life changes and I am left to my solitary walk again. Well, it isn't really. I am beginning to think that a more people-centric life enables me to bring my path alongside those around me at home, at work, at church and when I am out drawing. It is a slow process. That is how things seem to work with me. I sit and wait. I explore, I wait. I observe, I wait. I talk to people and I wait. Small steps. I feel as though my solitary self-centered, getting lost in the wilds of the countryside 'me' is shifting to another perspective.
So, faith? Sometimes I think there is nothing there. Sometimes I just want to dance in the joy knowing that I am someone who can just appreciate the world around me, natural, physical or otherwise. Sometimes there is fear. Sometimes there is no need to fear.
Perhaps there is nothing. But there is ME! I am here. There is a journey to explore, a world of interesting things around me and I am finding a way through it all in a way that feels genuine to me.