Writing seems hard work these days. Too many other things seem to grab my attention and it all seems like hard work and rather a chore to sit down and be philosphically creative. I have to find my own inspiration too, and sometimes I just want to give up and possibly return to private journalling. Work takes much of my energy and I haven't been feeling too well recently. Somehow I feel that life is an uphill struggle and just keeping on top of day to day things is difficult. But then perhaps I just want to do too much. Some people seem to have endless energy - why can't I?
April showers and more showers - for about a week now. Cold nights and variable days. The soil is now wet and workable. I planted my onions, potatoes and sowed some parsnip seeds and a few other bits and pieces a couple of weeks ago but it has been too cold to get much else going.
Oilseed rape is colouring the landscape yellow and bluebells are appearing. Blossom is everywhere. Blackthorn is fading now but apple blossom will be out shortly. Have seen brimstone, peacock and orange tip butterflies. Chestnuts and hawthorn are well into leaf and tulips look stunning in the garden.
God is Female
There is a good tv series on BBC2 at the moment called Divine Women. It is basically about how ancient cultures were more female orientated and this was swept aside by more patriarchal systems such as Christianity which has continued to the present day.
I like the idea of exploring the more feminine side of God and even perhaps acknowledging there could be a She rather than a He. From a nature based creative viewpoint this is a rather pleasant idea. The universe is all about giving birth to creation; the nurturing of life on this planet; the protection of ecosystems; the caring of people etc. Male paternalism and domination seems exploitative and devoid of the awe and beauty that sustainable and resilient societies need. It may be just romanticism, but perhaps that is what we need to survive these days if we want an alternative to consumerist post-modernism.
Anyway, I have always related to women better than I've related to men. So a female God is fine by me.
Healing and Resurrection
My drive for self-healing from the acid-reflux problems I get is high and I was out last Friday morning for a walk before work to get a bit of fresh air that I feel I am severely lacking. I contemplated the idea of the resurrection and prayed about it, wondering how it could relate to me, to healing, to nature, to creation etc. I was walking down a path I hadn't been along before and as I approached a small 'interesting' place of trees and hedges at the corner of several fields I decided to ask for a sign to do with resurrection. To my surprise I came across something unusual and out of place in the context of where I was walking. It was a branch on the ground with some blue twine tied round it. Wood and binding - symbols of the cross and the ropes used to bind Jesus. This was a rather surprising find. Meaning: not sure. I am rather inclined to take the resurrection story as a myth because science, logic and my experience of the world leads me to be sceptical of taking the Biblical account literally. And I don't need to at the moment because I can take its meaning in a more mystical way and see it as a symbol of transcendence. Can I transcend the pain and discomfort I feel? How can I find healing? What is the cause of the burden I carry that I can rise above? Resurrection gave me thoughts to ponder.
Interestingly I then found myself walking directly across the fields to a church and then saw another symbol: a perfect wooden cross in a back garden. Perhaps this was a message from above telling me to repent and go back to church! Perhaps I read too much into what I was seeing as my mind was attuned to a particular line of thought. Perhaps church would be my healing... but this sounds too much like pandering to the Christian mindset I have seen in people and it isn't what would be true to me. But the idea of resurrection is there and needs exploring.