Wednesday, 16 February 2011

An Uphill Struggle

I am really struggling to find continued reality, realism and authenticity in the day to day outworking of my faith. Why should I bother I often ask myself? I find conflict stressful and yet all through my readings and exploration of my Christian journey I find inescapable conflict between ideas and expressions of belief and faith. My mind struggles to cope with it and I feel I am loosing touch with a sense of belonging. Amidst the life I now lead I feel more withdrawn into an isolated and dwindling sense of the spiritual. I miss church life hugely, but I don't know how to fit back in, I don't want to be in a strongly evangelical expression of the Christian faith. If I am to continue, I must find a way to break down this psychological wall that seems to be being built around me. Otherwise I just feel like giving up and letting life just happen around me. I don't want to do that and yet I can get overwhelmed by it all and the excitement I feel when I do think about things.

I am re-reading "The Cosmic Christ" by Matthew Fox. I love his writings and his viewpoint has helped me a great deal on my faith journey. I don't know if they are totally theologically sound, but they are a great source of inspiration.


miss*R said...

I am not sure how I stumbled upon your blog.. but I too have the same feelings about a sense of belonging.. and I don't want to be in an evangelical christian community..
must look at the Cosmic Christ.

Eithne McBride said...

Hi there... I've been reading your blog and just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I, too, am a Christian who feels *very* connected to the earth and nature. I think I must be a Christian Druid at heart. I don't quite fit into the church mold although I certainly am a Bible-believing Christian, if that makes sense.

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't really see a whole lot of conflict within the two theologies. And I'm unapologetic for my druidic heart; it's as much a part of who I am as is my faith in Jesus.

I guess I don't really feel like I "belong" wholely either... but I'm okay with that. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm not sure if it's relevant, but one of the hardest experiences I had was realizing that I no longer shared all the stereo-typical views of my church community (nor that of any other). It was scary and a revelation to me to realize that I was now 'free' to follow Christ in a new way. Ironically He has also led me full circle to serve and to love those who I felt I had left behind... Life is full of surprises!!