Having been to the Resurgence Summer Camp and then spending a week back in my 'home' area of Herefordshire, my big summer adventures have drawn to a close and I now seem to be preparing for the long autumn and the draw up to winter. It feels like the end of September: the mornings seem dark, the sky is forever filled with rain laden clouds and even winter clothes have found their way out of the wardrobe.
I enjoyed my week in Herefordshire but somehow, as always, I expected too much from it. I happily admit that finding a right balance between what I want to do and what I should be doing with the family hard. 'My' time can be so precious that fully entering into it without trying to do too much can be hard. It was great having the focus at looking for wild flowers though. I had read Bill Plotkin's 'Soulcraft' before I went and was really looking for something more 'otherly' from my week away. Perhaps it will appear through some more subconscious form of expression and outworking. As with all things, people tune into things in different ways and in Soulcraft I was amazed at the journeys and experiences people have in working with nature.
Now I am back in normal life and feel fairly relaxed for once! I seem to have a deep sense of wanting to do something. Somehow I feel as though I have let the world pass me by. I know I often look back and wish I had done certain things in the past but now I feel as though I am in a transition period. I enjoy my work but, for once, I am not complacent and I have a feeling that I am meant to be moving in another direction - not this year, perhaps not next year. I'm not sure. Something within me is yearning for learning and discovery again. I would really like to develop my people/communication skills somehow, but that is one of the hardest areas I feel I have to deal with. Part of me would love to be a teacher, a life coach or nature educator. Perhaps the latter is what what I feel I am getting drawn to in some small way. It isn't too late to learn but, when I look back on my previous job with the youth charity, I had all the opportunities to learn the required skills right in front of me. And did I use really use them? No. I had no vision then, no bigger picture to work towards. But that's not quite true, because at that time I just wanted to develop my artistic skills, which I did. Now I have moved the goal posts and feel like starting over again. I don't wish to be negative about my current job, but it is very isolating - but perhaps that is what I now need to help me look outwards.
So, what shall I do...? I'll have a look and see what evening or training courses there are that I can do to get some sort of ball rolling.
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Oh, one thing that was quite special about a being away with my daughter for a week was just spending time with her. She will be off to big school in a week or so, and it was good to just spend quality time outdoors with her. We all went up onto Croft Ambrey which was quite a decent walk. I carried her up most of the way as it was a steep climb, but she happily ran down again. We also went for a beautiful walk one evening down to the river. I love being out in the evening anyway and just watching the sunset and the moon rise was an amazing experience to share with her. She is just getting to the stage of properly being able to appreciate such things.