Oh, do it write this or not, or am I just revisiting old problems.....? Pooey, here goes...
I am finding it hard to be positive about this but I was with a group of people recently and to say that I got rather stressed by the situation was an understatement. Now, I'm not going to say who they were or divulge the fine details of the evening as they were a fine bunch of people and I wish to try and maintain a diplomatic and balanced perspective.
But, you know, for some people there is only black and white. They know what they believe and, although they seem to be accepting of different perspectives, the underlying psychological pressure to believe their black and white is intense. For a 'Grey' person, who has a more Holistic outlook, you just have to sit there and stew in silence feeling unable to draw upon deep theological knowledge to back up any of your arguments and knowing full well that any divergent ideas would be met with the unswerving Christian 'only one way and we have it' response (verbally or in thought).
I tried to be hugely positive and was deciding whether to say something or not. Being outspoken before has got me into trouble so I pondered long before politely thanking them for the evenings study and saying "I love the Grey".
I have written before about the Celtic idea of accepting the "Maybe". Perhaps I am liberal, perhaps I am always sitting on the fence, perhaps I am always avoiding conflict - but, hey, that's me.
There is much concern in the Anglican church at the moment about the Ordination of women and homosexuality. I see traditionalists and modernists fighting and causing division. Each has their own deeply held theological standpoint. So, in a sense then, each is right, for each claims ultimate 'biblical truth'. To me it almost reinforces the idea that there is no 'one way', there can be different paths, but people somehow get bogged down in their own states of belief/conditioning that it causes tension and argument. Is this a frightened response that shows their insecurity in their own faith? What are people afraid of loosing? What are they holding onto?
Now, I am not saying that I am pro-homosexuality, anti-Jesus or anything like that. I am not saying either that I don't have black and white ideas about somethings.
I am learning, developing, absorbing - and sometimes SCREAMING with frustration too! I have my cross to bear - like those who are facing tough times in the church.
And what can I do about it.....?
And why is this subject in particular so able to wind me up?
Conflict. Perhaps that is it. And also fear that I could be making a huge mistake. But that is the risk I take on journeying.